19th (Under Influence When Written)

OK, this is on my mind.

Tomorrow is my 19Th birthday and there is usually two major events.  The family and the social.  I’m get the family all out of the way tomorrow night, on the night.  Then the social is on Saturday and I’ve planned to just go clubbing and get plastered. 

Here is the dilemma.  My ex girl friend has said to me that she wants to come.  Which is fine except for one thing, she annoys the hell out of me and I don’t want her to come and the worst thing is, when we are all together, we are all nicey nicey, which I hate because I find it so frustrating. 

I can’t even use the excuse can we have some “space” because her birthday is two days afterwards which I have agreed to go to, under extreme harassment by her!  And I know, its two faced that I don’t really tell her how I feel about her, but its complicated because she’s in with my friends and I can see me turning into some kind of bad guy.  Plus I would know it would really hurt her feelings and I’m just not like that.  I would rather her go to uni knowing everything is fine and then not seeing her again. 

It annoys me seeing her, because I know, once upon time she was mine, whether we agreed it or not, and now she isn’t.  Its never easy losing something, but having what you’ve lost being waved in your face isn’t good either. 

Is it selfish of me not to want her to be there because I find it difficult, after all its my birthday…
Or
Should I be the bigger person and let her in, despite the fact it will kill me inside? Is this unwise that I should put myself in this kind of situation, unnecessary stress.