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OK, this is on my mind.
Tomorrow is my 19Th birthday and there is usually two major events. The family and the social. I’m get the family all out of the way tomorrow night, on the night. Then the social is on Saturday and I’ve planned to just go clubbing and get plastered.
Here is the dilemma. My ex girl friend has said to me that she wants to come. Which is fine except for one thing, she annoys the hell out of me and I don’t want her to come and the worst thing is, when we are all together, we are all nicey nicey, which I hate because I find it so frustrating.
I can’t even use the excuse can we have some “space” because her birthday is two days afterwards which I have agreed to go to, under extreme harassment by her! And I know, its two faced that I don’t really tell her how I feel about her, but its complicated because she’s in with my friends and I can see me turning into some kind of bad guy. Plus I would know it would really hurt her feelings and I’m just not like that. I would rather her go to uni knowing everything is fine and then not seeing her again.
It annoys me seeing her, because I know, once upon time she was mine, whether we agreed it or not, and now she isn’t. Its never easy losing something, but having what you’ve lost being waved in your face isn’t good either.
Is it selfish of me not to want her to be there because I find it difficult, after all its my birthday…
Or
Should I be the bigger person and let her in, despite the fact it will kill me inside? Is this unwise that I should put myself in this kind of situation, unnecessary stress.
Ok I saw this on Girl With A One Track Mind and she got it from Troubled Diva, So thought I would give it a go.
1. My uncle once: said he would use Ronald Regan a shield if anyone started shooting at him doing the 80′s.
2. Never in my life: have I done anything too incriminating…like murder.
3. When I was five: I thought I might be able to get by cleaning windows.
4. High school was: painful, I hated everyone and everyone hated me.
5. I will never forget: that a “still tongue makes a wise head.”
6. Once I met: Micheal Asball in when I was doing work experience in John Lewis
7. There’s this boy I know: who is my best friend and I hope this friendship lasts for as long as I live.
8. Once, at a bar: these two guys were hasseling the barmaid and flicked a rubber band at her.
9. By noon, I’m usually: regretting that I have wasted half of my day so far and wish I could get those precious moments back to redo some things.
10. Last night: I chatted up a woman who was way to old for me and now I’m regretting it as I’m not sure if my peers have a good impression of me.
11. If only I had: the ability to think ahead before I make totally wreck-less decisions
12. Next time I go to church: I will do my best not to swear uncontrollably.
13. What worries me most: is bad hygiene and catching something nasty.
14. When I turn my head left I see: a chair, a window and through that the road I live down.
15. When I turn my head right I see: another chair, a door and a wall.
16. You know I’m lying when: my eyebrows move upwards towards my head and my voice goes high pitched, it usually depends what I have to lie about.
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: the sunshine, as a baby I remember sunshine.
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: Macbeth, he was easily steered into a wrong direction or Romeo, he falls in love to easily.
19. By this time next year: I will have a girlfriend, my peers will respect me and I will have a whole new, more positive outlook on life.
20. A better name for me would be: depending on any actions or mood that I am in the suggest such an answer.
21. I have a hard time understanding: woman and mathematics and science.
22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: stand my ground more and not take any shit.
23. You know I like you if: I make an effort in talking to you and I’m not outwardly rude.
24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: Mum and Dad, I think they did their best in raising me, which is more than what some people have had.
25. Take my advice, never: do anything remotely stupid.
26. My ideal breakfast is: crispy streaky bacon with scrambled eggs, slice of toast, orange juice with bits and someone attractive to share it with.
27. A song I love but do not have is: Baker Street by Gerry Rafferty, its a great song that sums up my everyday life.
28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: have eyes in your arse at night time, it can be quite rough at times, but at same time a bit of a spectacle.
29. Why won’t people: be less incompetent and just all get along?
30. If you spend a night at my house: prepare to sleep on the sofa if my parents are in, if they are not in and your female, you can sleep with me.
31. I’d stop my wedding for: something really really really life changing-ly bad.
32. The world could do without: arrogance and disrespect, if you respect someone you won’t screw them over.
33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: have sex with a man.
34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: the ones who go against the stereotype, they are far more fascinating.
35. Paper clips are more useful than: cellotape, for when holding pieces of paper together.
36. If I do anything well it’s: being pessimistic, but beware I may depress you with highlighting the faults of the world.
37. I can’t help but: self doubt my abilities and my appearance.
38. I usually cry: if I think I’m going to lose something or someone, or if I do eventually lose something or someone.
39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: be outgoing and not lazy.
40. And by the way: I want a good first impression or your doomed for trying to spend time in my company.
This weekend was bank holiday school disco at McClusky’sin Kingston and this would have been the second one that I have been too. The first time I went I was very dubious, I had heard that McClusky’s has a reputation for being quite rough, but I was quite surprised it wasn’t as bad as what I had heard.
The best bit about school disco is that you get in free before half ten, if your wearing a school shirt and tie. The girls always look good as well because they dress up in little skimpy school outfits. Last night was absolutely packed, which meant it was hot.
Anyway, I’ve decided as well as following the stylelife challenge to get a girl friend, Ive decided that I’m not going to expect to pull or meet someone. This means that I won’t be disappointed and I might even surprise myself! So I did the usual shit, I danced got really pissed and then we all sat on some kind of sofa type thing.
So we are sitting there and just across the way I see two ladies, who, without a doubt are giving me the eye. I was in a confident mood and decided to give a cheeky little wink and establish the eye contact. It didn’t help that my friend was basically in a comatose heap on my shoulder because they thought I was with her, which I wasn’t. Anyway after sitting there for a while I mouthed the words “You doin ok?” and then she beckoned me over so I off I went.
Now the catch was… these weren’t girls that I was eyeing up, they were woman, they must have been around 30 years of age, bearing in mind that I’m 19. At the time I didn’t mind (I’m blaming the booze). They thought I was 21, so I was quite pleased with that. And they loved me! I was a hit, which boosted my confidence.
But now I woke up this morning thinking “ohhh shit…” I expect a massive load of stick to come my way from my friends. I feel ashamed of myself in a way, my inhibitions and standards went out of the window. But its left me to wonder do woman’s standards go down as they get older? Who knows, I just hope I haven’t built up a bad reputation or made a fool of myself.
Ooook this is a thought which every desperate single male can relate to.
The scenario…
There is this particular girl which you like and your not sure whether she likes in you in the same way. So what do you do? You end up playing the nice guy, and this is where it gets slippery because she will automatically go to you with all her problems and worries, which is good but this turns you into her own personal agony aunt. You are no longer a ride-able option. You are a good friend and nothing more.
What ussually can happen;
A. You stay in the friend zone and you stay alone.
B. You ride it out until either she’s desperate for some lovin or she realises that actually you are dating material after all
C. She gets interested in someone else and you naturally hate his guts, which makes you look like an arse whole, which pushes you out of the friend zone and into a less desired direction.
I have found that getting stuck in the friend zone is so easily done and can be quite humiliating at the same time. You enter it under false pretences because you think you are doing the right thing, by being the shoulder to cry on – and it turns out you just wasted your time.
You can get out the friend zone, by learning from your mistakes and doing the same thing but with a different lady/man.
I wonder, do woman have the same problem of ending up in the friend zone?
When life has dealt you a bum deal and you need a little escapism. My remedy is to just let go with a beer or few, a scotch or whatever takes your fancy and have a night to ones self to reflect, judge and delete all those thoughts which anger or annoy you. You can think of it as a mental detox.
Sod all this scroobius poop and dan le shit stuff, this is something to listen to and enjoy. Its Higher Than The Sun by Pearl Jam.
Things have slowed, but that is only because I feel as if I have to brace myself for Day 3. Which is and all day requirement.
I’ll write and show you how it goes on hopefully tomorrow. But basically in short, I have to not wash or shave or anything and learn to speak with confidence. I don’t have a problem with speaking to people, so under these circumstances it will be quite a challenge.
As well as that I have to ring up random numbers from a phone book and speak about crap. There’s a well constructed script in the book, which I should follow.
So hopefullyI should have a lot to write about by the end of this week.
Tonight I’m visiting New Slang which is hosted by Mcclusky’s in Kingston.
Tonight they have new rave, Indy rappers Dan Le Sac Vs. Scroobious Pip.
I’m cynical about this new type of rap. If that is what you want to call it. Again this is an attempt to look and or express so called individuality.
Yesterday as a day out me and my friends visited the Brighton coast.
It had been organised for a few weeks and we really didn’t have any specific plan or motive for going. We left at around 10:30 and beat traffic, arrived there in about an hours time. The best place to park was on the sea front as it is only a pound an hour (This seems a lot, but when its split by X amount of people it really isn’t that bad).
It was years since I had visited Brighton, I’ve found that living in London, Brighton has this image of being a young, hip, trendy, Indy kind of town. I was right, when we visited the shops everything looked like it had come from an episode of Skins. Personally, this may sound deep and unconcerning, but our generation “youth culture” is not as genuine as you may think. Everyone is trying to be an individual, but by doing this we are following the same patten, we all look and act the same.
I’m not a geek, but I also don’t feel the need to pine for the social acceptance of everyone I meet by dressing a certain way.
After doing a lot of walking, we thought it would be a good Idea to visit The Lanes, which are a set of backstreets which have lots of little independent “fashionable” shops. It was ok, but we had definatly reached the alternative parts of Brighton. It was full of students. Before our trip I had never even heard of The Lanes, so I guess I’m a bit older and a bit wiser.
For dinner we visited Genghis Khan’s Mongolian Barbecue, which was an all you can eat place with a twist. For £9.95 your given a little bowl, and your allowed to go up to the counter and your allowed to mix together as many ingredients as you want, and then you go and get it all cooked in front of you. Its good because you can experiment and put different things together, however if you don’t know what your doing, you could end up with a bowl of inedible food.
It was a long day, with a lot of walking.
Mission 3: Look into their eyes
The point of this exercise is to make conversation with 5 more strangers, but this time to make a note of eye colour. This means that it is inevitable that you will make eye contact. I think its safe to say that I don’t have a problem with making conversation with strangers, but I gave it a try anyway whilst I was at work. They put me on the kiosk and my plan was get a bit of till receipt and write down all the colours. But lost in the business I forgot. But I promise you that make conversation.
I remember one eye colour of one lady with a raspy voice, which was green. She bought a scratch card which we joked about winning with.
Mission 4: Hint for tomorrow
Read tomorrows mission before you do anything.
For the last few weeks I’ve been toying with the idea of becoming a male escort. I will admit, as I’ve been thinking about this I’ve been leaning towards extreme complacency. I thought “How hard can it be…Get to meet new people…getting paid, most likely cash in hand…and you can use it as an outlet for getting more experience in the bedroom…”
Anyway, I’ve busy doing things and this idea has slowly faded. But since the day of Revelations , the idea has recently popped back into my head. I mean, from what I’ve learnt I’m taking enough chances or being experimental enough with my life. I’m not trying to become some sort of libertine, but I am sooooo bored.
Right! So let me get to the point, last night when I got home from work the plan was to go to the pub with a few friends and so I was bracing myself for that, not much to expect really. Anyway I found out I was getting a lift to and from the pub so I cracked open a cold one as soon as possible and helped myself to some of my brothers domino’s pizza. When I got picked up, we started off at The Druid’s Headin Kingston Market had a pint of Stella, then we went to The Mill (which is a pub I don’t like because of the Indy/student client-tell, the layout and the smell, its by the river and I suspect that they have a drain problem.)
When we got to The Mill we met some undesirable characters who we knew from school. So we had one drink and then moved on, as a party piece we put a load of crap songs on the juke box before we left (my such rebels). Then we went to The Coconut, which has turned into our local for some reason. Its a student pub, its OK but not great. By this time I was on my fourth pint, and I realised that I walked into The Coconut with the same glass I left The Mill with, so I didn’t come out of there empty handed.
So I sat, did the the whole socialising thing and then I got a lift home. The drinks I had went straight to my head and when I got home, I powered up the laptop and went into google for a search for escorts and how to become one. My search ended in me putting in details in registering with Majestic Escorts. I was drunk at the time and now I’m totally don’t know what to expect, what if I get a phone call!? What if I get an Email?!
I’m not sure what to do, I’m thinking take it as it comes. Play it by ear.
